Stop wanting, needing, hoping for things...

Do any of you blog surf?? Sure you do, we all do it, but I find myself engrossed for hours reading other peoples' blogs.

One of the side effects of looking at blogs, I think, is that you start to feel this little, almost indescribable touch of wanting, having, doing that you didn't possess before.

Before I knew this whole other blogging world existed I was happy with my boring little simple self. That little touch of whatver it is...possibility...didn't nag at my soul. Sure, there was Martha Stewart, and Better Homes and Gardens, but those were just generic collections of paper with no name, no face, no reality. It was easy to say, "WHO really does that? or That only happens in a studio with good lighting and tons of creative design personnel."

But blogging you know...that's a whole different story.

Here's what I'm talking about:

I never had an overwhelming urge to can. My mom used to can and it brings back so many wonderful memories. A couple years ago I thought canning went the way of girdles and never gave it a second thought. And now I see all these really awesome blogging women canning food in these shiny beautiful jars, stacked in rows on beautiful pantry shelves, and it looks like such old-fashioned loveliness that I WANT TO DO IT TOO! (And I want a beautiful pantry shelf!) But do I really? It just feels like a huge undertaking...buying the jars and equipment...and would my kids really eat the stuff that I'd can? One more project. Still that little nagging at my heart. Maybe one day.

AND I want some really beautiful canvas prints of my children and our family in my house. How come I don't have those? EVERYONE has those except me! I used to be happy with my Walmart printed snapshot pictures framed in cheapy frames, but you've all upped the anty, haven't you? I WANT SOME.

WHY didn't I cloth diaper my kids? I want another baby just so I can cloth diaper him (her)? You all make it seem easy and the fabrics are so darn cute and it's so much better for their cute little bottoms. There's elastic thingys now, and velcro, where before it was just pieces of fabric and huge pins. NO FAIR! I missed my opportunity!

See, I can go on and on and on.

It can get more serious.

Look how much she loves and adores her husband! My husband BUGS me sometimes, especially when he forgets to put his clothes in the hamper every single time and also when he asks me where basic easy things are like pencils and screwdrivers, or when he sneezes so loud it makes me jump! I must be some sort of awful grouchy wife who can't love properly.

Look how much faith she has! I wish I could claim that for my own wallowing doubting heart. How much easier my life would be if I could just accept and get on with it, instead of this constant reading, wondering, debating.

Look how much work she puts into her children's education! I send my kids on some big yellow bus to learn and can hardly make it through 3 months of summer before I'm counting the days till a break. What aren't they learning that I don't know about? Why don't I have the patience...what's wrong with me?

And on and on and on and on.

I think everyone feels this way too, and it hits at some of those weak moments of your life when the doubt of being "good enough" creeps in.

But there is a whole other side to the story, where that little touch of wanting, having, doing actually makes you challenge yourself to your full potential, gives you some pretty darn good ideas that benefit you and your family, and also gives you a little reminder to do all the things you've ever wanted to do.

When I read someone like Stephanie Nielson and see the love and appreciation and closeness she has had with her husband for a decade, she motivates me to see the good...the long hours he spends at work to provide for us, the taking over of the bedtime ritual, the energy for fun, and remembering that us two are the reason all these kids happened in the first place, and overlook that darn bath mat. She brings out the positive, overlooks all that little crap. A good reminder.

When I see another mother excel at a hobby, maybe it's photography or sewing or cooking, I can challenge myself to find a hobby I love. I can remind myself that I deserve a little fun in life too. It doesn't ALL have to be folding laundry and sweeping the kitchen floor. It makes me over correct myself and find balance...knowing that I deserve to master something of my own too, and most of all that my children are watching and learning from me. Watching how I constantly learn and challenge myself, and practice to reach my potential.

If I can look at all this information I've let into my brain in the past couple years objectively, and not in a threatening, envious or "I'm not good enough way", comparing sort of way, I feel SO happy I've had the chance to grow. Comparing yourself, your life, your abilities, your talents, to someone else will never get you anywhere I don't think. As much as we are told to reach out, to look outside ourselves, sometimes I think looking inward is the answer too. Sometimes I've found that looking OUT, instead of paying attention to your own spirit, doesn't lead to anything but icky feelings. When I concentrate on me and my family and hold that in my upmost thoughts, what makes us grow, what makes us "good", I can filter all the outside stuff (SO much information we recieve today!) in a healthy way and use it or discard it. And sometimes if I'm in one of those moods, where I can't filter, it's better to pull back a little from all these sights, sounds and ideas, regroup, gain that sort of grounded, inner-core strength of knowing who I am and what I want for me and my marriage and my family.

As I've gotten older too, I've found that one thing is sure. NO family is perfect. NO mother is perfect. Everyone has their struggles. NO ONE is exempt from any or all and the sooner you know that the sooner you'll find a less bitter taste in that mouth of yours, I think. We all have days, months and years when we skate by on a clean, sweet breeze. And we all have days, months and years where we hit a brick wall and pray for salvation in any form. Sometimes those brick walls look like colicky babies, struggling children, annoyed spouses, and dirty filthy kitchen floors with no hope in sight, and sometimes a breezy day looks like some lined up peach preserves. Both are reminders to make the most of our potential by becoming the best of whoever we are each meant to be, to discover what we each consider important and meaningful, to learn and teach, to take from each other and give back, and to celebrate the journey of life along the way.

Happy Birthday Chase!

Chase is now 4 years old! My how the years have flown by! I can't believe my baby is 4! It almost makes me want another baby, almost!

He had 2 birthday parties this year and it really confused him. The first was shared with his cousin Sofia who also turns 4 in August. So we did their birthday party half way between each others birthdays. So at his birthday party, he wasn't actually 4 yet, that is what confused him. They decided that they wanted a Toy Story party.

Don't you just love the cake!!

I kept trying to get a good picture of Chase and Sofia together and this was the best one.

His next party was actually on his birthday. He wanted to invite some of his friends from preschool and the YMCA. He had Mathias, Lydia and Lakin over and we just did a backyard party. The weather is getting so nice here and the humidity is leaving us, yay!

Chase and Mathias

Chase and Laykin

Miss Lydia enjoying her cupcake

Blowing out the candles

Happy Birthday Buddy! We love you!

1st Day of School 2010

So this year I have 4 kids in the same school! Trey and Emma started school on Tuesday the 24th of August and Leah and Chase started school a couple of days later on Thursday, August 26th.

Emma started 2nd grade and Trey is starting 4th grade.

This is Leah on her 1st day of Kindergarten.

Emma is talking to Leah about what to expect on her first day.

This was Chase looking back at me and he said, "Aren't you going to give me a kiss?"

Chase is starting Pre-k. In Maryland they go either in the morning or in the afternoon, 5 days a week. He goes in the afternoon.

Everyones 1st day was great, the kids all love their teachers and I am excited for this school year because I will have the afternoons to myself!

Daddy had a Birthday!

We got home from Utah just in time for Dons Birthday! I thought I would share some pictures of his special day!

Dons Lemon Cheesecake

Reading his homemade cards from the kids. They always love making cards for Dad on his birthday and Fathers Day.

Make a wish!
I know this is cheesy and a bad picture, but we always seem to take a picture of ourselves on each others birthday. So for posteritys sake, here you go!

Dons World Soccer Cup game for PS3 that he wanted.

I love that man and all he does and his sacrifice for our family! I know its not easy getting up and going to work everyday, but he does it without complaining. He is my spiritual rock and foundation and brings joy and laughter to my days! I love you!

Football and Cheerleading!!

So this year Trey decided to forego his usual fall soccer(he has done it the past 4 years) and proclaimed that he wanted to play football! Yes, football! Don was more than excited for this day to finally come! haha. Anyway, football started the first week of August with 4 night a week practices for 2 hours! It's crazy! The cheerleaders practice at the same time and Emma and Leah would sit over by them and watch and copy all the cheers. Emma had some friends from school on the squad too. The second week of practice started and once again, Emma and Leah are watching the cheerleaders. The advisor came up to me and asked if Emma wanted to cheer due to some girls that had quit. So she is doing that and really enjoys it.

Don was asked to be the assistant coach for Treys team and I am a cheerleading advisor for Emmas squad. It keeps us all busy, but I feel like this has been a great experience so far for our family. We all look forward to going to practice in the evenings and being together. Leah and Chase have made friends with younger siblings of football players and cheerleaders and enjoy taking their scooters and running around for 2 hours getting totally filthy and wearing them out!


Here is a picture of Trey and Emma in their uniforms. They play for the Cumberland Raiders.

Go Raiders!!

Our Summer Trip to Utah 2010

So I know you all have been on pins and needles, checking religiously everyday and longing for the day that I would blog again...So without further adieu(is that spelled right??)

Our laptop broke on the 17th of June. Apparently the screen cracked from the inside from opening and closing it so much. Since we were leaving for the whole month of July, we decided to not fix it until we returned. We left for Utah on Saturday, July 3rd. We were going to visit family, but mostly to throw my parents a surprise 40th wedding anniversary party. My siblings and I have been planning this for almost a year! Of course I left my camera at home, so I will have to copy pictures from my neice Katie who took some great ones.

This was the morning we left for the airport. I decided to dress my kids alike and in bright colors so I could find them easily in a crowd and also be able to tell someone what they were wearing if they got lost. Luckily, there was no need for any of that!

This was all of us watching a 'surprise' video message that my brother John sent. He is on a mormon mission in Northern Virginia and couldn't be with us. It was awesome to see him and I think this was probably my parents favorite part of the night!

This is a great picture of my mom and dad with their longtime friend, Barbara Sherman.

I love this tender moment of Megan and Mom!

This was the food table that was situated in the middle of the room. My parents and I have lived all around the world since my dad was in the Air Force and we thought it would be fun to have food from all the different places they have lived. For Ethiopia we did hummus and pita bread. It turned out so unique and cute!

These were the cupcakes that my wonderful Sister-in-law Sarina and my sister Megan made. Aren't they pretty?

Megan and Ben Passey

Aunt Valerey and Mickaela

This is a great picture of my dad and nephew Tafton. He was blowing bubbles in grandpas face!

We went to the park one day and Leah loves to swing!

We went to a small zoo in Logan, Utah. It was nice and shady and I love this picture of my family.

Chase at the zoo.

Emma posing in Grams yard.

Chase and Tafton would often be found tinkering on the piano together, so cute!

We had such a great trip and I really want to thank my sister Megan for planning alot of the fun things that we did. You are so awesome! We did the usual Temple Square and took the kids to the planetarium in SLC, went to the splash pad in South Ogden several times, stayed up way to too late playing card games and talking, gave each other pedicures, saw lots of fireworks and just enjoyed being with family. We were all so happy to be home. 3 weeks is a long time to be gone from home, but I am glad we made the trip nevertheless.

Emma Bemma Turns 7!

Emmas birthday is today and she is just our sweet, loving and helpful child. She is always willing to do whatever is needed to be done. Emma is almost done with 1st grade and she is really looking forward to 2nd grade. Her reading has really taken off this year and unlike her mom, she is going to be great at math!

Emma is a spitting image of her dad! She has his sense of humor and is always trying to make us laugh. She likes to call everyone 'losers', even though I can't stand it. She doesn't find it in anyway a put down, she thinks its funny and that everyone should laugh she she says it. She is our social butterfly always making plans for playdates.

This past year she has really started to love reading the scriptures and enjoys learning Bible
and Book of Mormon stories.

The next photos will show you a little about Emmas personality.

We love you Emma and our family just wouldn't be the same without you!